An Awkward Conversation (Reflections on Porn Part 3)

It's not much of a secret what guys do when they look at Porn. We do need to talk about masturbation in order that the conversation around Porn be complete. For me it is sometimes like smoking to heroin addicts. It seems harmless by comparison, but is addictive and brings death just the same. I realize my stance on this issue may seem a little more rigid than some, but I hope I can give some different perspective to an issue I think we are very uncomfortable to talk about.





The most damaging aspect of masturbation is that it reinforces a pathology of control. Usually masturbation centers around a very specific ritual. Over time the brain will actually increase serotonin levels in response to this ritual. The brain can actually become addicted to this increased serotonin in the brain. This level of addiction has been ranked as being on par or greater than heroin. Of course this addiction reinforces the desire to participate in the ritual. So the individual trapped in this enters a marriage relationship and all the sudden sex is more spontaneous. There are distractions and lots of things that can not be controlled. The serotonin in the brain is actually lower, because the specifics of the ritual are not being followed. Masturbation has the potential to destroy sex in a marriage.





Masturbation is also an entirely selfish act. The only objective is to satisify one's self. Healthy sex involves focusing on giving your wife pleasure, not yourself. Masturbation perverts healthy sexual desire and makes it all about gratifying one's self.

Porn is Not the Problem (Reflections on Porn Part 2)

First of all Porn is a problem, but it is also a response to the root problem. I remember being consumed by lust all day long and then when I would get home try to fight off the urge to resist Porn. The problem is I have already let the fox in the hen house. The problem is that what I have been filling my mind with all day long will bear fruit, like it or not. Sometimes the decision to look at Porn at 9:00pm was made at 6:30am when I decided to start lusting after someone on the bus.

This to me is exactly the lesson Jesus is teaching when he says "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt 5:27 -28). Now don't miss the point. The laws are meant to give us freedom, by keeping us from getting captured by things that would destroy. Jesus is saying here that your mind is enslaved, whether or not you commit any sinful actions. To focus on computer software to help us avoid porn (which is a good thing) but ignoring the lust that consumes our thoughts is to ignore the vast majority of the problem. Software is a great way to remind us we are accountable, but we also need vitally to be in relationships with guys(who will call us out on stuff) that we share our thoughts with. This for me was the 2nd most important aspect of recovery. It was in these settings that I learned how to confess my sin.

The last thing in the world I want is to make the bible into a how-to book. The following verses did however help me focus on renewing my mind. Romans 12: 1- 2 tells us Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Renewing our minds is vital to be transformed. Philippians 4:8 - 9 guides us towards what we should think about. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. This second verse gave me the idea of centering my day. This is nothing new, people have been practicing centering prayer for hundreds of years. I would take a few thoughts that I absolutely know to be true, right and pure and intentionally dwell on them throughout my day. I remember the first time my daughter came home from church and sang Jesus loves me to us. She was almost 2. This was one of those thoughts. If my thoughts are centered on that event, lust seems horribly out of place. When our minds are busied with nonsense and stress and worry lust seems (though very much a lie) like a welcomed relief.

Confession of a Nerd (Reflections on Porn, Part 1)

Mark Driscoll is releasing a book on Porn. I applaud anyone in the Church who talks about this issue, the silence is killing us. The very nature of Porn is something to be hidden and done in isolation, so bringing the discussion out in the open is the first step we as the Church need to take. I should start by saying I was addicted to Porn since I was very young, I didn't have access to Porn until I was 18. That might not make sense to some, but hopefully over the next couple of days I will walk through my journey and it will become clear. I should also say that Christ is the over comer, if not for Him I would still be enslaved to my addiction. I also think there are things Christ would have us do in response to addiction. I do think the way we approach Sexual Addiction (Porn Addiction is included in this) needs to be modified. I'll get into this later.

This post I want to talk about how I believe I cultivated a heart where this addiction would thrive, and this is the part that makes me a little leery of Driscoll's methods. First I don't know anything about Driscoll's book other than the Intro and the 1st chapter. I hope he nails it. The second is that wanting to be really macho and tough led me to Porn. I have struggled to listen to what Mark says because often times he is blatantly promoting that all Christian males should be macho and tough. I grew up with a father who was a great wrestler and a muscular construction worker. I grew up looking up to sports hero's and cowboy's. Seems pretty normal and all American. I played sports all through High School. The thing is God gave me a brain that is really good in Math and Science, and a body to match that brain. I'm skinny and mediocre to below average in sports. There is nothing wrong with that, unless you're in a culture that idolizes sports and the macho/tough image of males. The assumption in my young brain was that I am failing at "being a man". The next step was to find a place where I could be a tough man, and that turned out to be my own fantasies. This is where the root of the problem of sexual addiction lies. Paul talks about exchanging the truth for a lie, and that is what we do with Porn. The images just help us further convince our lying mind that our fantasy is real. This is my problem with the tough guy image. Being a man does not mean being "tough".

Of course I only notice this in retrospect. Driscoll is my brother, no matter how I feel about his style. This is just a caution when we promote that God wants all males to be macho and tough, we may be destroying the nerd who is sitting on the back row.