Big Dave on being hands and feet

Have I mentioned I love my friend Dave. "We feed more than food". It's awesome to hear him say "in a few years you might have one of these guys on the next video". Dave is so aware of God's grace in his life. He is an inspiration.

Breakfast for the Hungry in Portland from Union Gospel Mission on Vimeo.

I am a broken man

Inspired by my good friend Josh Rosenthal I am attempting to cultivate my own creative/expressive side. I wrote these lines some time ago, but felt like posting them today.

-------------------




I am a broken man,
Can’t seem to save myself.

I try and try but I can’t fill this void.

I am a fallen man
Can’t seem to lift my head

I fall and rise and fall

Oh my God,
Can you rescue me again?
Can I taste your grace again, everyday.
Your blood is what I need
To cover my sin filled life
I need you to fill me up
For I’m empty
For I’m empty.

Money and Power and Fame
Always leave me thirsty.

I drink and drink but still I’m dry

Why do I forget you,
Why don’t I drink of living water

That I might never thirst again

Oh my God,
Can you rescue me again?
Can I taste your grace again, everyday.
Your blood is what I need
To cover my sin filled life
I need you to fill me up
For I’m thirsty
For I’m thirsty.

Oh my God,
Why did you take off your crown?
Why did you come from heaven down?

Was it to save me?
Was it to save me?

And there is nothing I can do,
But receive this gift from you.

Sex and Worship

Here is a response I posted to Richard Dahlstrom's blog on Sexual Freedom I've expressed the sentiments on freedom before on this blog, but the idea of the way I pervert sex and the way I pervert worship overlap considerably.



I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways we (I) abuse sex and these ways are often the ways we (I) abuse worship.

I have struggled with Sex addiction and pornography. Of course this greatly affects my sex life once married. After salvation and much healing the sex with my wife is vastly different.

I’ve noticed really good sex is about giving. It feels the more I am concerned with and in tune with my wife's needs and desires, the more she reciprocates. My intention is not the reciprocation, but the reciprocation drives me to focus even more intently on her. This has become sex for us. Before, as an addict, sex was about me and my needs. If something changed from what I expected it could derail the whole experience for me. It was all about me. Part of redeeming sex was being forgiven by my wife. She accepts me and loves me knowing full well who I am and what I have done. I can now give and accept love during sex. Before I would always wonder, “would she really be here if she knew.”

In worship I have noticed how easy it is to turn the focus on me. “How do I look with hands up (or down)”, “Did I stand at the table long enough after taking communion”… It goes on and on. It sounds ridiculous to vocalize these thoughts, but they are there. I can make the worship of God about me really quickly. Times when I am most aware of grace, I feel I can pour my heart out. Whether I am singing, or speaking, or giving… I can do these things with great joy. Jesus knows me inside and out, and He still wants me to be there with him. By giving myself up in worship, by focusing on his glory I feel like he gives me joy and peace. That’s not my motivation going in, but it increases my ability to give myself over to him.

I recognize it’s a metaphor and has its limitations. I love the words you chose to describe freedom. I have been frustrated many a July 4th to hear freedom described as “I can do what ever I want”. Being an addict whom Christ set free, I feel very grateful that God has empowered me to say “no” to things that once owned me.

My muslim brother?

An oldie but a goodie

I've taken the time to listen to some old Shane Claiborne clips lately. I need the shot of adrenline and passion his words seem to give me. Anyways I came across one of my favorite discussions...

Three Degrees of Separation from Being on Vimeo.

My Friend Dave

Dave has been a very good friend for the last 3 years. We have met every Friday during this time, and it has been a true privilege to know him. He is unbelievably compassionate and authentic.

Yea though I walk...

Thanks to DK @ http://perpetualanticipation.blogspot.com/ for helping spread this.

Off of Carlos' blog:

"If you listen carefully at the end you hear me saying this to Danny.
“Keep trying to make it man.”
He looked me square in the eye…cocked his head sideways with a confused look on his face…and said,
“Trying to make it? No man. I ain’t trying to make it…I’m making it. Jah puts His soldiers everywhere. Jah says, Yea though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death… So He places some of us, in that valley.”"

Tis the Season

Are we safer?

August 6, 1945 we dropped the first of 2 atomic bombs, vaporizing 90,000 human beings on the 2 days. Countless others died slow deaths, suffering from disease and injury suffered directly or indirectly from the bombs. Are we safer 64 years later? What if we had more of these bombs to drop, what if we had big walls and more guns would that make us safer?

http://twofuturesproject.org/

Mann Gulch

Anyone who has spent time with me has heard me tell this story. I'll tell it again today, on the 60th anniversary of the event.



On August 5th, 1949 a forest ranger spotted a fire in Mann Gulch. The fire was in timber in the Gates of the Mountains wilderness area. The gulch had timber on one side, and prairie grass on the other. A crew of smoke jumpers dropped into the gulch and met the ranger, 16 souls in total. Wag Dodge, the crew chief, assessed the situation and decided to side hill and fight the fire from below. After crossing the gulch Dodge notices the fire has changed. He saw boiling smoke, but what he didn't see was that the fire had jumped into the grass and blown up in the mouth of the gulch. He ordered the men to turn and head for the ridge. The terrain is close to a 45% slope, at about 4,500 ft elevation. Within moments he turned to order the men to drop their gear, and saw that most of them already had. As the fire raced through the grass, Dodge struck a match to the grass in front of him and yelled for the men to lie in his fire. No one knew what he was talking about. Dodge and two others escaped, 13 men died. The two that escaped used Dodges fire as a guide up to the ridge. They found a tiny crack in the rim rock and raced through, nearly being overtaken.



Dodge died shortly after due to Hodgkin's. This story has been used as a case study for years at many organizations. This story has haunted me like no other. Norman Maclean wrote a book entitled Young Men and Fire, in which he tells this tale, but also tells his own journey to understand what happened. James Keelaghan wrote Cold Missouri Waters (the song from the video above) after reading the book. The first time I heard the song I wept deeply as if I had lost someone very close to me. These men died before my father was even born. What is about this story that so grieves me?

These men were tough mountain men. Several had been in the Airborne during WWII, one had dropped on Bastogne. Their death was so avoidable. The only way to save their lives was to do the most asinine thing in the world, lie down in the midst of a fire. They were running from fire, how was fire going to save them? They ran up that slope, depending on their strength and it failed them. What am I depending on? What does it mean for me to give up my life for Christ, that his Kingdom might come? I think it looks like death.



Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, "The coming of the kingdom of God is not something that can be observed, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is,' because the kingdom of God is in your midst."
Then he said to his disciples, "The time is coming when you will long to see one of the days of the Son of Man, but you will not see it. People will tell you, 'There he is!' or 'Here he is!' Do not go running off after them. For the Son of Man in his day will be like the lightning, which flashes and lights up the sky from one end to the other. But first he must suffer many things and be rejected by this generation.
"Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man. People were eating, drinking, marrying and being given in marriage up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all.
"It was the same in the days of Lot. People were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building. But the day Lot left Sodom, fire and sulfur rained down from heaven and destroyed them all.
"It will be just like this on the day the Son of Man is revealed. On that day no one who is on the housetop, with possessions inside, should go down to get them. Likewise, no one in the field should go back for anything. Remember Lot's wife! Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it. I tell you, on that night two people will be in one bed; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding grain together; one will be taken and the other left."
"Where, Lord?" they asked.
He replied, "Where there is a dead body, there the vultures will gather."

where moth and rust destroy...

$3,000,000,000 for Cash for Clunkers (might actually be more when it’s all said and done).
$4,500 benefit for a car.

3 billion $ / 4,500 ($ per car) = 666,666.7 cars will be traded in or purchased.
The benefits are that we get better gas mileage for cars. The trade-ins get less than 18, the purchased cars get better than 25 mpg’s.
The car companies sell some of their inventory, but this only helps the corporation (stockholders), not the employees. Since the lots have a large surplus of autos, factories won’t ramp up production on account of this.

Take 15,000 miles per year (probably if you have a vehicle that gets 10mpg’s you’re not driving this much). Assume the trade-ins get 10mpg the new cars get 30mpg, just to keep it interesting.
The trade-in’s use 1,500 gallons a year, the new cars use 500. We save 666,666.7* 1000 = 666,666,666 gallons of gas per year. The US uses 138,000,000,000 gallons of gas annually, resulting in a grand total of .48% reduction in gas usage. Note the decimal point, that’s less than 1/2 of a percent.

On the other hand, the world water crisis could be ended for (roughly) $10,000,000,000 per year. So the Cash for clunkers money is 30% of this. 10,000 people die every day (5,000 children under the age of five die every day) because of lack of access to clean water, so the money could save 3,000 lives (per day) or 1,095,000 lives, that's equivalent to the Rwandan genocide every year.

The math leads me to this question, why are cars more important to us than the lives of a million people. It should be no great shock that we ignore genocide when we practice ignoring death in our everyday lives.

Solution (Warning this might require that your lifestyle be altered):

Do this. Sell that second vehicle. You'll probably get 2,500, maybe more. Buy a bike, yeah go for a nice one $1,000 - $1,500. You'll love it. Your legs will get strong, the waist might shrink. Your heart will become more efficient. It will make a real difference to the whole gas consumption thing. What do you do with the extra $1000? http://www.water.cc/ Invest in things that won't pass away.

*I used a trade - in improvement in mpg's of 20 mpg, the first 80,000 cars average to 9.8 mpg improvement. I updated the accuracy of my numbers 8/5/2009, and added sources.


Sources :
http://www.eia.doe.gov/basics/quickoil.html
http://www.water.cc/water-crisis/water-and-health/
http://water.org/facts/

Christmas and Clean Water

The first two show the problem, the third shows our role.

How to face death

Freedom's Flavor (Reflections on Porn Part 4)

If you’ve been a slave freedom has a taste that is almost too wonderful to describe. Freedom for me means something significantly more than the term thrown around America. I think Freedom has come to mean the ability to do anything, but I don’t think that’s freedom. I think freedom is freedom to pursue the fullness of life. For me Porn was not freedom. I had the legal ability to choose to look at porn, but I lacked the ability to not look at. That’s what it means to be enslaved. I know some people God has given more self-control, but I was not one of those folks.

This last Friday night I had dinner with some friends at the UGM downtown. I was walking about 3rd about 7:30pm. It’s Halloween and people are just starting to come out for the evening’s festivities. The club music is pounding in the background, and the lights from the bars are hitting the sidewalks. This might not seem like too much, unless you’ve been an addict. 3 years ago I would not have been able to walk passed bars. My mind was constantly thinking about lust. I could not say no to temptation. Halloween weekend three years ago was hell. On the other side of transformation is the power to walk by bars and clubs selling sex. On this side is the power to sit and a computer in an empty house and have the ability to turn it off at the first hint of temptation. This is freedom. My wife comes home tonight and I can embrace her without shame. I can accept her love fully, because I have no secrets no news to break. It’s so hard to describe the difference. Addiction is absolute hell. If not for the grace of God in my life, I would still be an addict, and I would welcome my wife home with shame and guilt in my heart.

An Awkward Conversation (Reflections on Porn Part 3)

It's not much of a secret what guys do when they look at Porn. We do need to talk about masturbation in order that the conversation around Porn be complete. For me it is sometimes like smoking to heroin addicts. It seems harmless by comparison, but is addictive and brings death just the same. I realize my stance on this issue may seem a little more rigid than some, but I hope I can give some different perspective to an issue I think we are very uncomfortable to talk about.





The most damaging aspect of masturbation is that it reinforces a pathology of control. Usually masturbation centers around a very specific ritual. Over time the brain will actually increase serotonin levels in response to this ritual. The brain can actually become addicted to this increased serotonin in the brain. This level of addiction has been ranked as being on par or greater than heroin. Of course this addiction reinforces the desire to participate in the ritual. So the individual trapped in this enters a marriage relationship and all the sudden sex is more spontaneous. There are distractions and lots of things that can not be controlled. The serotonin in the brain is actually lower, because the specifics of the ritual are not being followed. Masturbation has the potential to destroy sex in a marriage.





Masturbation is also an entirely selfish act. The only objective is to satisify one's self. Healthy sex involves focusing on giving your wife pleasure, not yourself. Masturbation perverts healthy sexual desire and makes it all about gratifying one's self.

Porn is Not the Problem (Reflections on Porn Part 2)

First of all Porn is a problem, but it is also a response to the root problem. I remember being consumed by lust all day long and then when I would get home try to fight off the urge to resist Porn. The problem is I have already let the fox in the hen house. The problem is that what I have been filling my mind with all day long will bear fruit, like it or not. Sometimes the decision to look at Porn at 9:00pm was made at 6:30am when I decided to start lusting after someone on the bus.

This to me is exactly the lesson Jesus is teaching when he says "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt 5:27 -28). Now don't miss the point. The laws are meant to give us freedom, by keeping us from getting captured by things that would destroy. Jesus is saying here that your mind is enslaved, whether or not you commit any sinful actions. To focus on computer software to help us avoid porn (which is a good thing) but ignoring the lust that consumes our thoughts is to ignore the vast majority of the problem. Software is a great way to remind us we are accountable, but we also need vitally to be in relationships with guys(who will call us out on stuff) that we share our thoughts with. This for me was the 2nd most important aspect of recovery. It was in these settings that I learned how to confess my sin.

The last thing in the world I want is to make the bible into a how-to book. The following verses did however help me focus on renewing my mind. Romans 12: 1- 2 tells us Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Renewing our minds is vital to be transformed. Philippians 4:8 - 9 guides us towards what we should think about. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. This second verse gave me the idea of centering my day. This is nothing new, people have been practicing centering prayer for hundreds of years. I would take a few thoughts that I absolutely know to be true, right and pure and intentionally dwell on them throughout my day. I remember the first time my daughter came home from church and sang Jesus loves me to us. She was almost 2. This was one of those thoughts. If my thoughts are centered on that event, lust seems horribly out of place. When our minds are busied with nonsense and stress and worry lust seems (though very much a lie) like a welcomed relief.

Confession of a Nerd (Reflections on Porn, Part 1)

Mark Driscoll is releasing a book on Porn. I applaud anyone in the Church who talks about this issue, the silence is killing us. The very nature of Porn is something to be hidden and done in isolation, so bringing the discussion out in the open is the first step we as the Church need to take. I should start by saying I was addicted to Porn since I was very young, I didn't have access to Porn until I was 18. That might not make sense to some, but hopefully over the next couple of days I will walk through my journey and it will become clear. I should also say that Christ is the over comer, if not for Him I would still be enslaved to my addiction. I also think there are things Christ would have us do in response to addiction. I do think the way we approach Sexual Addiction (Porn Addiction is included in this) needs to be modified. I'll get into this later.

This post I want to talk about how I believe I cultivated a heart where this addiction would thrive, and this is the part that makes me a little leery of Driscoll's methods. First I don't know anything about Driscoll's book other than the Intro and the 1st chapter. I hope he nails it. The second is that wanting to be really macho and tough led me to Porn. I have struggled to listen to what Mark says because often times he is blatantly promoting that all Christian males should be macho and tough. I grew up with a father who was a great wrestler and a muscular construction worker. I grew up looking up to sports hero's and cowboy's. Seems pretty normal and all American. I played sports all through High School. The thing is God gave me a brain that is really good in Math and Science, and a body to match that brain. I'm skinny and mediocre to below average in sports. There is nothing wrong with that, unless you're in a culture that idolizes sports and the macho/tough image of males. The assumption in my young brain was that I am failing at "being a man". The next step was to find a place where I could be a tough man, and that turned out to be my own fantasies. This is where the root of the problem of sexual addiction lies. Paul talks about exchanging the truth for a lie, and that is what we do with Porn. The images just help us further convince our lying mind that our fantasy is real. This is my problem with the tough guy image. Being a man does not mean being "tough".

Of course I only notice this in retrospect. Driscoll is my brother, no matter how I feel about his style. This is just a caution when we promote that God wants all males to be macho and tough, we may be destroying the nerd who is sitting on the back row.

Theology of Suffering

I listened to an old podcast I had forgotten about

http://www.imagodeicommunity.com/information/sermons/preacher/celestine-musekura/

I encourage everyone to take the time to listen to it. It reminded me about the cost of discipleship. Celestine talks about receiving beatings for the gospel. Many pastors spent days hiking through swamps, fighting hippos and crocodiles just so they could get to a conference to learn how to better serve their people. A woman named Mary used to get up very early every morning to collect cans alongside the road, so she could sponsor a child. Without that sponsorship Celestine would not be where he is today, and I would not have been reminded so vividly about the cost of discipleship.

Forgive me for Crucifying you

This is why we are able to have hope at funerals. This is why we are able to live unafraid to die. The resurrection of Christ means we can be saved redeemed.

This morning I awoke thinking of all the Christ-followers who have shown me what radical forgiveness looks like. Having experienced it first hand, has changed everything about who I am. The ways in which people have forgiven me, and continued to love me despite my failures astounds me. Radical forgiveness is only possible with love. And to radically forgive strangers is only possible with Christ in us.

With all the court cases on TV and in the paper in this country, and 80% or so of us being Christian, I wonder why we don't hear of more occurrences of radical forgiveness. It was this scandalous grace that resurrected us from the death that was our own sin. And yet when people harm us we scream for vengeance and retribution. This next year I am praying the church will show the world what grace and forgiveness are all about, by practicing what they preach.

Resisting the Empire

The election season is nigh upon us. Lot's of folks are asking what kingdom of God people should do when it comes to elections. Essentially, should we be red or blue?

This is how the world phrases questions for us. Are you for mothers or babies? Are you for workers or immigrants? Do you give the poor jobs or money? The list goes on and on. Jesus got these questions, and he always came up with a radical third way of answering them. What if we said we love mothers and babies. And by love we mean we will take them into our homes, not just try and change their minds. If we look at these situations through the lens of radical love, the solution is neither of the two options presented by the world, it is a radical third way. The catch is it involves huge sacrifice on the part of the lover.

Now what do we do about the upcoming election? Back in the first generation of the church the saying Jesus is Lord was particularly offensive. You see the Romans had a saying too, Caesar is Lord. It was this resistance to the empire that got most of them killed. Before we go any further I am not advocating suicide, but I am advocating resistance.

Imagine if the entire church in America united and said "Jesus is our Leader (president), we will not vote." Already you may have had the thought, "but THEY would win if we did that". I felt it too initially. I suggest this, by refusing to vote we are saying that whoever is elected will not determine how we respond to the world. We respond with radical love to all, because of the love Christ has placed in our hearts. It does not matter if the tax rate goes up or down, we will still give sacrificially. It does not matter what the state says about marriage we will be faithful to our God and spouses, and love homosexuals. It does not matter if the state builds walls between us and Mexico, we will love US workers, Mexican immigrants, Iraqi civilians, US soldiers, and Al Quadi insurgents alike. None are to far gone for God's grace.

I know sometimes I am guilty of saying, "if the government could create this situation, the gospel could advance." We trust in God for protection and guidance. When dramatic situations arise we respond based on what we put in our hearts. If we are filling our hearts with Jesus, it doesn't matter what situation, whether peaceful or dangerous, our response will be one of radical love. When non-Christians see us act with radical love no matter what the situation, the gospel message will go forward. Unfortunately love looks most radical in the midst of suffering.

God Bless the Revolution.